Rocky Rhodes to Promote Children’s Fitness

Belgian Cat and Mountaineer Rocky Rhodes has Signed On to Promote Children’s Physical Fitness Programmes in an Official Capacity for the Nation of Belgium.

Rhodes was Appointed to the Position by King Albert II. He shall Work Closely with Princess Ophelia to Develop the Programmes, and he shall then Travel throughout the Townes of Belgium to make Appearances at Schools, Day Cares, and the Like, to Educate Children, Teachers, and Parents on the many Aspects of Children’s Health and the Importance of Physical Fitness to the Maintenance of a Healthy Mind, Body, and Soul.

Rhodes is a Natural Choice for the Position, as he is a Popular and Recognizable Figure in the Realm of Sports. Some even deem him a National Hero. He has Conquered many Peaks but has Maintained a Reputation as a Humble Representative of Belgium’s Proud Heritage.

–The Minister of Information.

Armondo Blanco to make Diplomatic Trip to Syria

Armondo Blanco, Belgian Ambassador, will be making a Diplomatic Voyage to Syria in an Effort to Strengthen Spotty Relations between the Two Nations.

Blanco will be Received by Syrian Foreign Minister Walid Muallem in Damascus. The Two are expected to Discuss a stronger Trade Relationship, but Analysts predict that Blanco, known for his Straight-Forward Manner, will probably press Muallem on Matters of a Political Nature in an Attempt to Understand some of the Fundamental Differences between the Political and Social Philosophies of the Two Nations.

No official Policy Matters are Likely to change as a Result of the Diplomatic Trip, which is to take place Next Week, but the Belgians have recently Increased their Efforts to create Relationships with some of the more Controversial and Isolated Nations of the world, including (most recently) Cuba.

Syria has Oft been Scrutinized by America as being In League with Terrorists, much to that Nation’s Annoyance – and was Bombed this Week by U.S. Forces from their Bases in Iraq.

–The Minister of Information.

Jeepers’ Beers Featured in American Book

Monastic Brewer and Belgian Cat Jeepers de Vooght has been given the Full Treatment in a new Book about Belgian Beers by author and well-known Alcohol Enthusiast Michael Jackson (who bears No Relation to the Pop Singer of the Same Name).

The Book, entitled Great Beers of Belgium, features an excellent History of the Art of Beermaking in Belgium, particularly the Brewing Methods of the Trappist Monks and Others. In it, de Vooght and his Trappist Brewery are Referenced numerous Times, and their Beers given Favourable Reviews by the Author.

–The Minister of Information.

Tigger Sauerzopf Added to Known Belgian Cats List

Financial Consultant Tigger Sauerzopf has been added to the List of Known Belgian Cats by the Belgian Controller of Cat Records and Director of Benign Intentions.

Always on top of the Latest Trends in the Marketplace, this Wise Investor promises to Never Steer You Wrong when it comes to your Financial Future.

Further News on this Belgian Cat and his Reactions to the Recent Economic Crises both in Belgium and around the Globe will Surely be Forth-Coming.

-*- The Belgian Controller of Cat Records & Director of Benign Intentions -*-

Panettiere PSA Directed By Gris Gris

American Actress Hayden Panettiere has appeared in a Satirical New Public Service Announcement which was directed by Belgian Cat and Film Director Gris Gris.

In the Spot, Panettiere, known for her Role in the Television Show “Heroes” as well as for her Activism relating to Progressive Causes, jokingly Suggests that Viewers vote for Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain, in particular because he is generally considered Elderly. She also Predicts that McCain’s Policies would not Stray from the current Policies of President George W. Bush, who is suffering from Record Levels of Unpopularity in the Country. No Mention is made of McCain’s Democratic rival Barack Obama, nor any other Presidential Candidates.

Gris Gris, whose latest Film has come under Fire with a Threatened Boycott by Right-Wing Activists in America, is known to be a Close Acquaintance of Jet-Set Socialite Murray Malone – who has been Romantically Linked with Panettiere in recent Months.

**The Minister of Culture**

“Dirtyface” has Surprising Playlist

Belgian Cat and Notorious Gangster “Dirtyface” Zanoni has a Surprising Taste in Music, as it Turns Out.

Dirtyface’s last.fm Profile, unearthed by the intrepid Investigators at the Ministry of Culture, includes Tracks by the Likes of Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, Carrie Underwood, and numerous other American Pop Stars often associated with the Musical Tastes of Teen-Aged Girls and Dance-Club Enthusiasts. Zanoni is known to be Neither; however, Rumours say that he has a Preference for Wealthy Young Ladies with a High Level of Social Influence – a Category into which Many of the Musicians on his List could be said to Qualify.

**The Minister of Culture.**

Mei Mei & Pan Pan to Attempt Rare Feat

Trapeze Tandem Mei Mei and Pan Pan announced this Week that they shall be Attempting a Rarely-Executed Feat of Death-Defiance in their Upcoming Circus Performance.

The Feat, dubbed “Gevaarlijke Vliegende Bal,” involves both of the Daring Belgian Cats clutching One Another while Flying unaided through the Air, Spinning About, Arms and Legs Aflutter in all Manner of Awe-Inspiring Acrobatic Feats, and making Contact only with Dangling Ropes which they shall use to Re-Launch themselves back into the Air. The end Result, as described in the Duo’s Promotional Materials, is like a Leaf, which, upon Drifting toward the Ground in a Beautiful yet Unpredictable Fashion, is then Caught in a Gust of Wind and Hurled Back into the Sky only to Twitter and Spin Back toward the Ground Again.

The Canadian Circus Troupe Cirque du Soleil attempted to Incorporate a Similar Performance into their show, “Corteo,” when it was Conceived in 2002 but Abandoned it over Safety Concerns.

As Usual, Mei Mei and Pan Pan intend to Execute this Unique and Difficult Feat without the Use of a Safety Net, putting themselves in as much Danger as Possible. The Act is set to Debut early in 2009.

—The Minister of Culture—

Persia Zuur Supports General Transportation Strike

Three transportation Unions in Belgium are set to go on Strike on Monday with the support of Belgian Cat Persia Zuur and other Socialist Walloons in the Region.

The Strike is meant to send a Message to the Struggling Belgian Government about Union Dissatisfaction over increasing Inflation. Belgium’s Economy, much like many around the Globe, is under great Stress, and many Workers are Concerned that their Voices are not being Heard amidst the Bank Failures and Bailouts of Recent Weeks. Recently, the Government teamed up with the Netherlands and Luxembourg to bail out the Nation’s Largest Bank, Fortis. Zuur and Others see this as a Signal that the Wealthy are being given great Leniency during these Troubled Economic Times while the Working Class continues to Struggle.

The entire Belgian Rail Network, including Gare du Midi, is set to close beginning late Sunday Night and continuing through Monday.

–The Minister of Information.

Gris Gris Film Embroiled in Controversy

The upcoming Release of the new film by Belgian Cat and Film Director Gris Gris has come under Fire from an American Group called “No More Gris Gris” which is attempting to Block its Release.

The Film, entitled “Een Buitengewone Werk van Schoonheid,” is set for a December Release by Magnolia Pictures, which Acquired the Rights to the Film after a controversial Bidding War following the Sundance Film Festival earlier this Year.

No More Gris Gris claims that the Film is Anti-American and Disgusting, among other Criticisms, and they are calling on a Boycott of any American Theatre which elects to Exhibit the Movie. They are also planning a Campaign to involve American Politicians in the Matter, although such Efforts at Film Censorship have been largely Avoided by the US Government in recent Decades.

-*-The Minister of Culture-*-