Emami in Bar Melee, Reportedly Wins

Belgian Cat and Muckraking Photojournalist Lilu Emami was charged today with Involvement in a Melee at a Bar in Budapest, Hungary.

Eyewitnesses report that Emami, who claims she was in Budapest on “vakantie,” became Enraged when a pair of Local Men were making Lewd Remarks at her. She then proceeded to begin a Shoving Match with both men, which escalated into an Impressive Display of Emami’s training in the Thai Martial Arts, know as Muay Thai.

Police Reports indicate that the Men both suffered Numerous Lesions as a Result of the Fight, but Lilu Emami appeared Unscathed.

Emami is known for her Award-Winning Journalistic Photography, as well as her Sassy Attitude.

–The Minister of Gossip

Hayden Tossed from Nightclub, Murray Culpable

American Actress Hayden Panettiere was Thrown Out of a New York City Nightclub last Month, the Tabloids have reported. She is only 19, and was in a Club whose Minimum Age Requirement was 21 (due to Strict American Laws regarding Alcohol Consumption). Bouncers escorted her Out and Confiscated her Identification, making her very Angry. She eventually had Police step in to Resolve the Matter and return her ID (though she was not allowed Back Inside).

Hayden’s Significant Other, Belgian Cat and Jet-Set Socialite Murray Malone had been able to gain Entrance for the young Star into the Club due to his Status, but as Bouncers had been Instructed to Crack Down on Under-Aged Access, Murray’s Influence ultimately had No Effect on the Situation. The Two instead enjoyed a Vegetarian Meal at a Nearby Restaurant.

–The Minister of Gossip

Gris Gris Film Opens Amidst Protest

Belgian Cat and Director Gris Gris’ new film, “Een Buitengewone Werk van Schoonheid,” has Opened in America to the Tune of about $36,000, but angry Protests may have either Disrupted Business for the Movie – or they may have Added to its Appeal (Analysts are Loathe to Guess which).

The Film, which has spawned a Boycott Effort which among other things incorrectly claims that the Title can be Translated to mean “America is Devil-Spawn,” opened over the New Years Holiday Weekend in four Theaters in New York and Los Angeles in order that it might Qualify for Possible Oscar Contention. It is not likely to Qualify in the Foreign Film Category of the Oscars, as Belgian Representatives are considered unlikely to Submit it as the Nation’s Entry for an Award.

In addition to the Boycott’s ire at what they perceive to be Gris Gris’ anti-American Views, they are also concerned about what they have dubbed the “Veg Agenda” – referring to the Fact that Gris Gris is a Vegetarian. Helping their Efforts to Block Citizens from Viewing the Film, Critics have mostly Panned it. Still, it has managed to gain a Reputation as Something to See as a Curio at the very Least; and distributor Magnolia Pictures seems to be Clinging to the Notion that Gris Gris Himself should be Considered for a Writing or Directing Oscar: the Company has taken out Advertisements in Variety Magazine making just such a Recommendation to Academy Voters.

—The Minister of Culture—