Update: InBev Becoming Hostile

News is Emerging that Belgian Brewing Company InBev is now taking Hostile Action in order to Gain Control over American Brewer Anheuser-Busch, after a Takeover Bid of 46 Billion US Dollars was Rejected.

Belgian Cat and Monastic Brewer Jeepers de Vooght expressed Disappointment by the News, having previously Opposed the initial Takeover Efforts as the Wrong Move for a Belgian Brewer and Encouraged InBev to Return to Traditional Brewing Methods such as those followed by the Trappist Monks. Furthermore, as a Highly Spiritual Individual, de Vooght does not Condone most forms of Hostility – this case included.

–The Minister of Information.


Anheuser-Busch Says No to InBev

Anheuser-Busch, brewer of Low-Quality American Lagers such as Budweiser and Bud Light, has submitted a formal Rejection of the Takeover Bid proposed by Belgium’s InBev. The Offer of $46 billion US Dollars was made about Two Weeks Ago, but the Anheuser-Busch Board voted against it despite the fact that the offer Overvalued the Anheuser-Busch Stock Price by a significant Margin.

Belgian Cat and Monastic Brewer Jeepers de Vooght applauded the Rejection and encouraged InBev to “streven naar meer traditionele methoden voor het brouwen van het behalen van succes, in plaats van het kopen van lage kwaliteit brouwerijen.”

–The Minister of Information.

Belgian Cats Organs May Be Hard to Find

According to a Dutch News Organisation, the Dutch are cleverly utilizing Belgium’s generous system of Organ Donations instead of their Native Country’s Offerings. Unfortunately, this has put a Strain on the Availability of Organs to Belgian Cats, and it is a Matter which the Authorities are now Discussing. Armondo Blanco, Belgian Ambassador, has been Dispatched to the Netherlands in order to Negotiate New Terms for Organ Donations which will be Mutually Beneficial to Both Nations and to the Belgian Cats.

–The Minister of Information.

Justine Dumps Murray with Forehand Smack to the Face

After word spread that Jet-Set Socialite Murray Malone was Spotted in Amsterdam with his Arm around Superstar Pop Singer Rihanna, our favourite recently-retired Tennis Great Justine Henin was Quick to Put an End to all Speculation about her Keeping Company with Murray.

“We waren samen, maar het is meer dan nu. Het is gedaan,” Justine stated emphatically, adding, “Hij is een lul!”

Witnesses in a Bruges Cafe said that the Break-Up was a Publick One, with some reporting that Justine even smacked Murray in the Face; others said she merely Tossed a Glass of Water on him. Either way, it was Quite a Scene.

Justine may be Heart-Broken, or just Bitter, but Murray moves on (as Usual) – he has already made Appearances at two recent Rihanna Concerts. Both of their Spokes-Persons, of course, deny any Hanky-Panky between the Two.

–The Minister of Gossip.

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Published in: on June 24, 2008 at 6:58 am  Leave a Comment  
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Gris Gris to Co-Produce Theatrical Show about Hurricane Katrina Survivors

Belgian Cat and Film Director Gris Gris will be putting his Talents to the Stage next Month at the Hub City Theatre Festival in the American Towne of Acadiana, Louisiana. The Towne is located just West of New Orleans, site of the famous Hurricane Katrina three Years ago, and it was also greatly Affected by that Storm.

Gris-Gris Productions will be co-producing a Play with the Assistance of the Festival Leadership, entitled “The Exile of Joe Gagliano.” It is Written by Chere Coen and involves a Family Affected by Katrina and forced to Re-Locate to another Towne.

Gris Gris said in a Statement that the images from that Storm “hebben spookt me voor drie jaar” and that he has been seeking an opportunity to put his Creative Talents into this sort of Endeavour for some time. “Het is een lokale productie over de gevolgen van de orkaan op de plaatselijke bevolking,” he said. “Dit is het soort van artistieke exploratie dat interesseert me.”

The Hub City Theatre Festival shows July 10th through the 12th in Acadiana.

—The Minister of Culture—

‘Dirtyface’ Gang Shuts Down Rubbish Collection on Guam

Rubbish collectors have stopped working on the U.S. Territory of Guam, and according to Sources, the it is due to a Violent Takeover by ‘Dirtyface’ Zanoni and his Nefarious Gang.

As reported on This Site several weeks ago, Tagging from Dirtyface Gang Members has been targeting Rubbish Bins in Certain Cities, including San Jose, California, USA; Toronto, Ontario, Canada; Sydney, New South Wales, Australia; and the Island of Guam. Suspicions arose that this was an Indication of an impending Effort to Overtake the Rubbish Collection Unions in these and other Areas. Unfortunately, our Field Researchers are not Located on Guam, and Word of Gang Activity there was unconfirmed until Today.

Rubbish Collection stopped on the entire Island as of Last Week; Residents have been encouraged by their Village Mayors to bring their Rubbish and Recyclable Materials directly to the Dumps and Recycling Centers. However, we at the Offices of the International Constable of the Nation of Belgium recommend Against this action, as violent Gang Members may have overtaken these Facilities. This has been the Pattern of Dirtyface’s gang in the Past. Instead, we recommend Composting whatever you are Able to and Re-Using any Recyclable Materials in order that they do not Pile Up.

The Dirtyface Gang is said to have Threatened the Rubbish Collection Union on Guam and taken over their Operations, then proceeded to Shut Down said Operations in a Show of Power. There is No Word as to How Long the Shut-Down might last.

‘Dirtyface’ and his Gang, known for their Aptitude for Illegal Imports in the Nation of Belgium, have in the past few Years begun to Expand their Operation Worldwide; the International Constable of the Nation of Belgium is Intent on Capturing this Criminal and putting him to Justice.

-The International Constable of the Nation of Belgium-

Armondo Blanco meets with 110-year-old WWI Vet

Armondo Blanco, Belgian Ambassador, met with a Mr Harry Patch this week. Mr Patch is the last living British Veteran of World War I who fought in the Trenches, and he is celebrating his 110th Birthday. He was a Private in the British Army when he took part in the Battle of Passchendaele in West Flanders, Belgium, in 1917.

Armondo Blanco described Mr Patch’s Life Story as “inspirerende.” He offered Mr Patch a Basket of Fruits and a Bottle of Fine Belgian Ale, both of which were Graciously Accepted.

–The Minister of Information & the Minister of Historical Records

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Rocky Rhodes to Bike North America for Cancer

Famed Mountaineer and Belgian Cat Rocky Rhodes has agreed to participate in a Bicycling Trip across North America from the State of Texas to the State of Alaska in order to Raise Money for Cancer Research.

Rhodes, whose Mother was recently Diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer, often Enjoys Fundraising events such as These – but with his Personal Experience, this Bicycle Trip is Particularly Close to his Heart.

“Het is belangrijk dat ik een bijdrage leveren op deze manier,” said Rhodes about the Journey, which will Begin at the University of Texas, Austin on June 7th, and is scheduled to end in Anchorage, Alaska on August 5th – about a 7,200-km Ride.

Rhodes, generally Known as a Mountaineer, says that Bicycling is his Second Passion. He was Specially Invited by the Texas 400 for Cancer, a Non-Profit Organisation which contributes to Cancer Research, to Participate due to his High Profile in the Outdoor Sports Community.

—The Belgian Institution for Athletics—

Gris Gris Film Picked Up by Magnolia Pictures

Magnolia Pictures picked up the latest Film by Belgian Director Gris Gris, “Een Buitengewone Werk van Schoonheid,” for American Distribution. The Film debuted at the Cannes Film Festival last Month to much Critical Panning, which was Followed by a Short-Lived Bidding War for Distribution Rights. Few Companies attempted to Buy the Film, and Bidding went Nowhere after Gris Gris and his Producers presented what were described as “Ridiculous Terms” to those Attempting to Make Bids. The Distributors then Universally Walked Away from Negotiations, and the Film was left for Dead.

A Magnolia spokesperson said that the Company was able to Negotiate the Deal after the Festival had Concluded, and that they intend to Release the Film in the U.S.A. late this Year in Hopes of giving Critics and Audiences a “Fresh Look at it” – and to make a Case for some Manner of Academy Awards Consideration.

Gris Gris said that he was “overwonnen met vreugde en geluk” to know that the Film would be Able to Find a Wider Audience. Two of Gris Gris’ Films have Previously been Released into Theatres in America.

-+-The Minister of Culture-+-

Published in: on June 15, 2008 at 11:27 am  Comments (1)  
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InBev Officially Bids on Anheuser-Busch

Belgian brewing Company InBev has officially made a $46.4 Billion US Dollar Bid to take over Anheuser-Busch, brewer of Budweiser and other Low-Quality American Lagers. InBev is the Maker of dozens of Different Beers, including Stella Artois, Bass, and Others, and is something of a Low-Quality Belgian Brewer that does not use the Traditional Standards set forth by the Trappist Monks and brewed for Generations to Maximize Quality and Flavour.

Jeepers de Vooght, Belgian Cat and Monastic Brewer, opposes the Takeover Bid, as he Worries that it will Decrease overall Opinion of Belgian Beers world-wide. “InBev heeft al tot lagere kwaliteit,” he said today. “Kopen van Budweiser zal alleen maakt het nog erger, en alle Belgische bieren zal lijden.”

The Takeover Bid is expected to be Bitterly Fought by the Busch Family, which has Owned the Company for nearly 150 years.

–The Minister of Information