Elton Jansen Officially Added to Known Belgian Cats List

Flemish Separatist Elton Jansen has been Officially Added to the List of the Known Belgian Cats by the Belgian Controller of Cat Records and Director of Benign Intentions.

This Youthful and Charismatic Leader has been Taking the Cause of Flemish Independence to the Streets of Belgium, sometimes in a Violent and Disorderly Fashion; Clever and Media Savvy, he has utilized the Air-Waves and Internet to gain a Loyal Following.

If you have Seen this Belgian Cat, please make a Report here.

**The Belgian Controller of Cat Records & Director of Benign Intentions**

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Professor Nanu Excited to Receive Pencil Box

Professor Nanu of the University of Brussels has expressed Excitement over the fact that the Belgian Postal Service will be giving Free Pencil Boxes to its Customers this week.

Nanu is Known to use a large number of Pencils over the Course of any given Semester, and has stated in the Past that Organization of those Pencils is often a particularly Time-Consuming Acktivity. “Deze box zal me helpen houden georganiseerd,” Nanu said with great Enthusiasm. “Mijn werk zal verbeteren, en mijn studenten zullen meer informatie!”

The Pencil Boxes will be given out on Saturday, September 27th, as part of the Postal Service’s “Day of the Customer” campaign.

-The Minister of The Giving Away of Things-

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New Flemish Alliance Quits Government

Leaders from the Belgian NVA party (also called the New Flemish Alliance) have Declared that they have lost confidence in the Coalition Federal Government and are Quitting.

Belgian Cat and Flemish Separatist Elton Jansen called the move “vooruitgang.” Though not an Official Member of any Political Party, Jansen has long supported an Independent Flanders and has Organized Rallies, Protests, and other Demonstrations in order to Make his Case. The NVA’s move is likely to put Pressure upon other Flemish Leaders within the Government to decide whether to support a Unified Belgium or allow it to Fracture.

Prime Minister Yves Leterme has already Struggled Greatly to keep Political Crisis at Bay in the Nation of Belgium. His Coalition Government was pieced together earlier this Year, and he nearly Resigned once already over this Issue.

-The Minister of Information.

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“La Bandita” to Take Advantage of Gap in Ferry Service

Just days after the Dutch Ferry company Norfolkline announced that it will resume Operations of a Ferry Route from Scotland to Belgium that is being Abandoned by the Greek company Superfast – but only after about an eight-month gap with no Service available, Belgian Cat, Swashbuckler, and Maritime Criminal “La Bandita” announced Plans to Hijack the Route during the Break and put the Squeeze on all of the Businesses and Individuals who depend upon the Ferry Service.

“La Bandita” is wanted by Authorities for Piracy in the Waters around Western Europe. Marine Constables and the International Constable of the Nation of Belgium are Advising any Individuals and Businesses who have been using the recently-abandoned Ferry Route from Rosyth to Zeebrugge to make every Effort to fine an Alternative Route, as “La Bandita” is not a Licensed Transportation Authority and will not provide proper Safety Measures despite presumably charging an Increased Fee for Transport. She is not expected to Harm Passengers; however, her motives should be considered Highly Suspect.

–The International Constable of the Nation of Belgium–

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Further Talks Recommended for Flanders-Wallonia Relations

The Belgian Coalition of François-Xavier de Donnea, Raymond Langendries, and Karl-Heinz Lambertz, appointed by King Albert II to work with Prime Minister Yves Leterme in order to bring about a Resolution to the ongoing National Crisis of the increased Calls to Split Up the Nation – have reached a Verdict: 12 More Leaders must Convene to Talk some More.

The King, Princess Ophelia, and Prime Minister Leterme are expected to Move on the Matter soon, calling together a Coalition of six Flemish and six Walloon Leaders to have Further Dialogue and possibly Draft a Binding Agreement between the Two Factions.

However, analysts point out that some of the more Influential Individuals involved in the Tense Situation are unlikely to be invited to the Table. Political insider and Socialist Walloon Persia Zuur and Flemish Separatist organizer Elton Jansen are likely to be Passed Over by the King in favour of Members of the Political Establishment. Questions will therefore almost certainly Arise about the Legitimacy of an Agreement reached by the Politically Appointed Coalition.

–The Minister of Information.

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Tina Skaggs Awarded Employee of the Month


Known Belgian Cat and Office Gossip Tina Skaggs has been awarded the Coveted “Employee of the Month” prize for the Month of August in the Corporate Office in which she is Employed.

The Prize is given each Month to an Employee who has shown to have an Exemplary Work Ethic, High Standards of Efficiency, and a Positive Attitude toward his or her Job. This is the first time Skaggs has been recognized; she has been Employed at the Office for 12 years.

Upon receiving Notice of her Recognition, Skaggs said, “Het is de hoogste tijd!”

Skaggs received a Bouquet of Flowers, several Truffles, and a Department Store Gift Card as part of her Prize. After the brief Awards Ceremony performed at her Cubicle, she was seen to immediately Report the News of her Recognition to numerous Friends and Colleagues via the Office Telephone.

-The Minister of Information.

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Dirtyface Gang Infiltrating England?

Belgian Cat and Notorious Gangster “Dirtyface” Zanoni has enlisted his Gang to create a Legitimate Web-Based Business in England with the URL of www.dirtyface.co.uk. The Business Front is that of a “graffiti” style of Graphic Design Services with Similarities to Graffiti which has been Posted in Townships worldwide as a Threat to the Local Governments. “Dirtyface” appears to be attempting to take a New Approach as his Inroad to the United Kingdom, which is Known to be quite Stringent in its Crack-Down of foreign Gangs.

–The International Constable of the Nation of Belgium–

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Murray Whisks Hayden Away in Private Jet

Belgian Cat Murray Malone continued his Wooing of Miss Hayden Panettiere last week. Witnesses say the Jet-Set Socialite landed his Personal Airplane at a Private Airstrip in the New York City area and Whisked the Hollywood Hottie away to Europe for some Sight-Seeing and other Fun and Adventurous Activities.

Panettiere, who just turned 19 two weeks Prior, is the Latest in a long Line of Ladies linked with Mr Malone. Her television program, “Heroes,” is set to debut its 3rd Season next Week. Rumour has it that Murray and Hayden planned this Getaway between her Busy Birthday Celebrations and Media Tours for her Show.

A Quote from the Pilot of Murray’s Airplane claims that the Couple would be headed to Greece, but thus far no Sightings have been Reported along the Mediterranean.

**The Minister of Gossip**

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Published in: on September 10, 2008 at 9:13 am  Comments (2)  
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Swordmaker and Client Commemorates Madame Isis

A known Associate and presumed Client of Belgian Cat Madame Isis has commemorated his Love for her by creating a Masterful Sword in her honour.

Swordmaker Tony Swatton, with whom Madam Isis has been Acquainted for many Years, has created a stunning Design for the Madame Isis Sword, featuring two intertwined Serpents that mirrors the Insignia located above the Doorway on the Lady In Waiting’s famed House of Ill Repute. Swatton has also created a companion piece, a Dagger with the Moniker “Baby Isis.” No word as to the Exact Origin of that Particular Addition, but it is an equally Stunning piece of Artistry.

Both items will be Auctioned through the Web-Site The Devil’s Candy Store at some point in the Near Future.

–The Minister of Information.

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Dirtyface Suspected in Gruesome Threat

“Dirtyface” Zanoni, Notorious Gangster and Belgian Cat, is a prime Suspect in the latest Mafioso-like Stunt to befall Nurses in France.

A Nurse at the French Mater Dei Health Facility was served up the Head of a Mouse in her Salad. Authorities have traced the head back to a Packaging Plant in Belgium which has Known Ties to the Dirtyface Gang. Now, International Constables are searching for Hints that “Dirtyface” is making a move to Take Over yet another foreign Union. His Gang hijacked the Rubbish Collectors’ Union on Guam earlier this Summer and has since been placing Pressure upon Port Owners on the Island to ease Restrictions on Certain Goods deemed Valuable to many Belgian Cats.

This latest Stunt resembles the infamous Severed Cow’s Head Scene in the film “The Godfather” – a known Favourite of “Dirtyface” Zanoni’s.

-The International Constable of the Nation of Belgium-

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