‘Dirtyface’ Gang Responsible for Magritte Theft?

The famous Painting, “Olympia,” by Rene Magritte, valued at around €750,000, was Stolen by Armed Bandits at the Painter’s Former Home in Brussels this week.

Belgian Constables are Searching for Clues, but it was Leaked Today that Belgian Cat and Notorious Gangster ‘Dirtyface’ Zanoni may be Implicated. Sources Reveal that ‘Dirtyface’ is known to be Fond of Magritte’s Work and may have a small Collection of Rare and even Stolen Pieces by the Artist.

Zanoni Himself was not thought to have been at the Scene to Perform the Robbery, which took place during the Day and was Perpetrated by Two Armed Men.

Anyone with Information on the Heist should contact the Belgian Authorities Immediately, and are Advised that their Protection from Dirtyface’s Gang is Guaranteed if it is deemed Necessary.

–The International Constable of the Nation of Belgium.

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‘Dirtyface’ Implicated in Bruges Jail-Break

Notorious Gangster and Belgian Cat ‘Dirtyface’ Zanoni has been implicated by Authorities in a recent Dramatic Escape from a Prison near Brugge.

The Prison Break involved three Highly Dangerous Criminals and an Accomplice taking over a Helicopter to fly to Freedom. One of the Criminals, Ashraf Sekkaki, is a known Associate of Zanoni’s, having been involved in a number of Bank Robberies attributed to the Dirtyface Gang prior to his Arrest in 2000. Sekkaki had also previously Escaped from another Belgian Prison in 2003 before being re-captured.

This is the third Helicopter Prison Break in two years from a Prison in Belgium – the first occurred in April of 2007 at Lantin Prison; the second was from a High-Security Prison in Ittre later in the same Year. These two Dramatic Escapes resulted in a Mandate for Helicopter-Proof Netting to be installed into all Belgian Prisons. The Brugge Facility has not yet Moved Forward with its Installation.

Along with Sekkaki, Mohammed Johry and Abdel Had Kahjary Mulloul are also on the lam. Belgian and International Authorities are working Diligently to track down the Trio and bring them back into Custody.

–The Minister of Information & the International Constable of the Nation of Belgium.

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Dirtyface Gang Linked to Rotterdam Shooting

Authorities are attempting to Trace the Gun used in the Shooting of four Tourists in a Cafe in Rotterdam, Netherlands over the Week-End to Notorious Gangster and Belgian Cat “Dirtyface” Zanoni.

Witnesses say that the Shooter was involved in an Argument with the Tourists, left the Scene, then returned and opened Fire. One of the Tourists was killed.

Dirtyface’s Gang is a Known Trafficker of Fire-Arms, and has Previously been Linked to Supply-Chains into the Netherlands, where Guns are virtually Banned for Citizens. Zanoni is not implicated in the Shooting Itself, as it does not appear to be Gang-Related; however, Border Authorities have been Instructed to Tighten Security in an attempt to Prevent more Fire-Arms from entering the Country.

-The International Constable of the Nation of Belgium-

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Cinnamon Skips Antwerp Barista Championship

Belgian Cat, Assassin, and Award-Winning Barista Cinnamon Calhoun declared herself “Unable to Attend” this year’s highly-publicized Belgian Barista Championship hosted in Antwerpen by the Caffènation Coffee Company.

This year’s Winner was Melanie Nunes, whose 570.5 Points easily out-distanced the Runner-Up, Stefaan Behaeghe, by 30 points. Points were Awarded based on a Number of Factors including Flavour, Presentation, Quality of Specific Drinks (e.g. a Cappuccino), etc. Many Excellent Cups of Espresso were had by all of the Judges, resulting in a High-Energy Event all around.

Cinnamon claimed that she was Not Able to Attend due to an Illness in her Family, although International Constables suspect this may have been a Cover for another, altogether more Unsavoury Assignment.

>The Belgian Institution for the Culinary Arts<
& The International Constable of the Nation of Belgium.

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“La Bandita” to Take Advantage of Gap in Ferry Service

Just days after the Dutch Ferry company Norfolkline announced that it will resume Operations of a Ferry Route from Scotland to Belgium that is being Abandoned by the Greek company Superfast – but only after about an eight-month gap with no Service available, Belgian Cat, Swashbuckler, and Maritime Criminal “La Bandita” announced Plans to Hijack the Route during the Break and put the Squeeze on all of the Businesses and Individuals who depend upon the Ferry Service.

“La Bandita” is wanted by Authorities for Piracy in the Waters around Western Europe. Marine Constables and the International Constable of the Nation of Belgium are Advising any Individuals and Businesses who have been using the recently-abandoned Ferry Route from Rosyth to Zeebrugge to make every Effort to fine an Alternative Route, as “La Bandita” is not a Licensed Transportation Authority and will not provide proper Safety Measures despite presumably charging an Increased Fee for Transport. She is not expected to Harm Passengers; however, her motives should be considered Highly Suspect.

–The International Constable of the Nation of Belgium–

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Dirtyface Gang Infiltrating England?

Belgian Cat and Notorious Gangster “Dirtyface” Zanoni has enlisted his Gang to create a Legitimate Web-Based Business in England with the URL of www.dirtyface.co.uk. The Business Front is that of a “graffiti” style of Graphic Design Services with Similarities to Graffiti which has been Posted in Townships worldwide as a Threat to the Local Governments. “Dirtyface” appears to be attempting to take a New Approach as his Inroad to the United Kingdom, which is Known to be quite Stringent in its Crack-Down of foreign Gangs.

–The International Constable of the Nation of Belgium–

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Dirtyface Suspected in Gruesome Threat

“Dirtyface” Zanoni, Notorious Gangster and Belgian Cat, is a prime Suspect in the latest Mafioso-like Stunt to befall Nurses in France.

A Nurse at the French Mater Dei Health Facility was served up the Head of a Mouse in her Salad. Authorities have traced the head back to a Packaging Plant in Belgium which has Known Ties to the Dirtyface Gang. Now, International Constables are searching for Hints that “Dirtyface” is making a move to Take Over yet another foreign Union. His Gang hijacked the Rubbish Collectors’ Union on Guam earlier this Summer and has since been placing Pressure upon Port Owners on the Island to ease Restrictions on Certain Goods deemed Valuable to many Belgian Cats.

This latest Stunt resembles the infamous Severed Cow’s Head Scene in the film “The Godfather” – a known Favourite of “Dirtyface” Zanoni’s.

-The International Constable of the Nation of Belgium-

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“La Bandita” Spotted Off-Shore

Marine Constables were Startled this week when the Vessel of “La Bandita,” famed Belgian Cat and Swashbuckler, was Spotted off the Shore of Ostend.

The Vessel, a fast-moving Pirate Ship engraved with the Name of her Captain, rarely Turns Up in Belgian Waters – “La Bandita” is more Adept at Sneak Attacks in the Open Waters off the coast of Spain, which is where she received her Moniker more than a Dozen Years Prior.

Belgian Officials are somewhat Upset that Marine Constables were apparently not paying close enough Attention to nab the infamous Criminal as she approached Belgian Shores. In fact, it was a Civilian Boater who made the Identification and Phoned it in to the Constabulary.

“Ze zijn gevangen slapen,” one Official groused. “Dit is onaanvaardbaar. ‘La Bandita’ moet het gerecht worden gebracht.”

There is now speculation beginning to Surface as to the Reason that “La Bandita” may have shown up in the Vicinity of Ostend. Recent Reports have pointed out a large Increase in Illegal Immigration from Stow-Aways leaving Port in Ostend and heading toward Great Britain; this has not Historically been the sort of Illicit Activity in which “La Bandita” has Participated, but any possible Connections are being Researched nevertheless.

-The International Constable of the Nation of Belgium

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Cinnamon Calhoun wins Belgian Barista Competition

Belgian Cat Cinnamon Calhoun was awarded with the Top Prize at a Barista Competition in Brussels this Week. She earned Top Points in her Creation of a Cappuccino and a Cafe Latte, and was among the Top Scorers in the Specialty Categories including the Mocha, White Mocha, and Flavoured Latte Drinks.

Recent word on the Blogosphere has indicated that the Belgians are unable to create Oustanding Coffee Drinks, but Cinnamon and Others at the Barista Competition proved that there are Plenty in the Nation who can Brew top-quality Espresso Drinks.

Cinnamon Calhoun is well-known for her Skills behind the Coffee Bar, having Trained with Master Espresso-Makers around the World. She is also thought to have been Trained by the KGB in the art of Shooting Sniper Rifles, though this has thus far gone Unproven. Still, Patrons of her Establishments are Instructed to take Safety Precautions such as the donning of Bullet-Proof Vests when ordering Coffee Drinks.

>The Belgian Institution for the Culinary Arts<
& The International Constable of the Nation of Belgium.

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‘Dirtyface’ Gang Shuts Down Rubbish Collection on Guam

Rubbish collectors have stopped working on the U.S. Territory of Guam, and according to Sources, the it is due to a Violent Takeover by ‘Dirtyface’ Zanoni and his Nefarious Gang.

As reported on This Site several weeks ago, Tagging from Dirtyface Gang Members has been targeting Rubbish Bins in Certain Cities, including San Jose, California, USA; Toronto, Ontario, Canada; Sydney, New South Wales, Australia; and the Island of Guam. Suspicions arose that this was an Indication of an impending Effort to Overtake the Rubbish Collection Unions in these and other Areas. Unfortunately, our Field Researchers are not Located on Guam, and Word of Gang Activity there was unconfirmed until Today.

Rubbish Collection stopped on the entire Island as of Last Week; Residents have been encouraged by their Village Mayors to bring their Rubbish and Recyclable Materials directly to the Dumps and Recycling Centers. However, we at the Offices of the International Constable of the Nation of Belgium recommend Against this action, as violent Gang Members may have overtaken these Facilities. This has been the Pattern of Dirtyface’s gang in the Past. Instead, we recommend Composting whatever you are Able to and Re-Using any Recyclable Materials in order that they do not Pile Up.

The Dirtyface Gang is said to have Threatened the Rubbish Collection Union on Guam and taken over their Operations, then proceeded to Shut Down said Operations in a Show of Power. There is No Word as to How Long the Shut-Down might last.

‘Dirtyface’ and his Gang, known for their Aptitude for Illegal Imports in the Nation of Belgium, have in the past few Years begun to Expand their Operation Worldwide; the International Constable of the Nation of Belgium is Intent on Capturing this Criminal and putting him to Justice.

-The International Constable of the Nation of Belgium-