Belgian Royalty Keeping Low Profile

In these Difficult Economic Times facing the Nation of Belgium and the World, the People have been shown to have a relatively Low Tolerance for frivolities such as Glitzy Parties, Flashy Public Displays of Wealth, and the obvious Wasting of Money as proof of Social Status.

With that in mind, King Albert II of Belgium, as well as his Kin – including such notables as the Belgian Cat and Royal Princess, Ophelia – have been Toning Down their Public Appearances.

Albert and his Wife have been staying at the Royal Palace, administering to Matters of the State, including the ongoing Discussions between the parties of Flanders and Wallonia about maintaining a United Belgium.

Ophelia recently visited a Troubled General Motors Factory in Antwerp to show support for the Working Classes. She wore a Modest Outfit as a means of keeping her Critics Quiet regarding her Pension for donning Clothing of the Highest (and most Expensive) Fashions.

A Spokes-Person for the Royal Family pointed out that the King does not wish to appear Out of Touch with the Struggling Peoples of his Country, particularly during such difficult Economic as well as Political Turmoil.

–The Minister of Information.

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Van Rompuy Tapped to Form New Government

Parliament speaker Herman van Rompuy was Appointed to head up a New Coalition Government in Belgium this Week by King Albert II after Wilfried Martens nominated him as the Best Candidate for the Job of Replacing disgraced Former Prime Minister Yves Leterme. Leterme resigned his Post last Week.

Socialist Walloon and Belgian Cat Persia Zuur described the Appointment as “met potentiële,” while Flemish Separatist Leader and Belgian Cat Elton Jansen felt it was “belachelijk.”

Van Rompuy is a Flemish Christian Democrat, the same Political Party as Leterme, and is committed to Efforts to maintain a United Belgium by Resolving Differences between Flanders and Wallonia.

–The Minister of Information.

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Belgian Cats Celebrate Christmas

The Belgian Controller of Cat Records and Director of Benign Intentions has Noted that King Albert II celebrated Christmas today at the Royal Palace in the Belgian Tradition with his Daughter, Belgian Cat Princess Ophelia. Belgian Ambassador Armondo Blanco was also in Attendance. Chansonnier Cadenza Vieuxtemps performed Musical Renditions of Christmas Favourites at the Ceremony.

Flemish Separatist and Belgian Cat Elton Jansen Celebrated the Holiday at a Public Gathering in Bruxelles. Professor Nanu of the University of Brussels also attended the same Gathering.

Celebrity Belgian Cat and Mountaineer Rocky Rhodes dressed as Sinterklaas and handed out Gifts to Children at an Event in Brugge. Meanwhile, Jet-Set Socialite Murray Malone exchanged Gifts in Private with American Actress Hayden Panettiere.

–The Minister of Culture–

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Belgian Government in Chaos

The Belgian Government, which in its Most Recent Form was governing under Shaky Conditions at Best, has now Resigned and shall be Replaced by an Interim Government until New Elections can be Held.

Prime Minister Yves Leterme, who has come under Fire recently over his Dealings with Financial Giant Fortis, recipient of a Massive Government Bail-Out, offered up his Resignation to King Albert II this week. It was the Second Time this Year that he has attempted to Resign, his Effort having been Rejected by the King the First Time Round.

For Now, ex-Premier Wilfried Martens shall take Charge of the Nation’s Governance and Attempt to Co-Ordinate a New Coalition, King Albert said. The King’s Daughter, Princess Ophelia, shall also Serve on the Transitional Team.

Elton Jansen, a Belgian Cat, Flemish Separatist, and Long-Time Critic of Leterme‘s, said today that the Dissolution of the current Government was “het juiste te doen ding,” and that Leterme’s Legacy will “zal voor altijd verbonden worden met corruptie en mislukking.” Indeed, Leterme’s efforts to maintain a United Belgium were in Direct Conflict with the Flemish Separatist Movement, and were fraught with Failure from the Outset.

Belgian Cat and Financial Consultant Tigger Sauerzopf noted that the Injection of Funds into Fortis was “waarschijnlijk noodzakelijk,” but he refused to Comment upon the Political Maneuverings that might have been involved and Contributed to Leterme’s Down-Fall.

–The Minister of Information.

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King Congratulates New American President

King Albert II of Belgium and his Daughter, Belgian Cat Princess Ophelia, both Spoke on the Telephone to the new President-Elect of the United States of America, Mr Barack Obama, this morning – each offering their Congratulations and Hope for a Positive Diplomatic Relationship during the Time of his Presidency.

Obama was elected President last Night by a relatively Wide Margin over his primary Rival, Mr John McCain. Obama’s Vice President is Mr Joe Biden, who has held Private Meetings with the King on Several Occasions in the Past.

The King makes a Habit of contacting Newly Elected World Leaders from Nations Friendly to Belgium. Princess Ophelia had Met Privately with Mr Obama during his Tour through Europe earlier in the Year when he was Campaigning for the Nomination of the Democratic Party. Both spoke to Mr Obama only Briefly, as the President-Elect is Understandably Busy.

–The Minister of Information.

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Rocky Rhodes to Promote Children’s Fitness

Belgian Cat and Mountaineer Rocky Rhodes has Signed On to Promote Children’s Physical Fitness Programmes in an Official Capacity for the Nation of Belgium.

Rhodes was Appointed to the Position by King Albert II. He shall Work Closely with Princess Ophelia to Develop the Programmes, and he shall then Travel throughout the Townes of Belgium to make Appearances at Schools, Day Cares, and the Like, to Educate Children, Teachers, and Parents on the many Aspects of Children’s Health and the Importance of Physical Fitness to the Maintenance of a Healthy Mind, Body, and Soul.

Rhodes is a Natural Choice for the Position, as he is a Popular and Recognizable Figure in the Realm of Sports. Some even deem him a National Hero. He has Conquered many Peaks but has Maintained a Reputation as a Humble Representative of Belgium’s Proud Heritage.

–The Minister of Information.

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Further Talks Recommended for Flanders-Wallonia Relations

The Belgian Coalition of François-Xavier de Donnea, Raymond Langendries, and Karl-Heinz Lambertz, appointed by King Albert II to work with Prime Minister Yves Leterme in order to bring about a Resolution to the ongoing National Crisis of the increased Calls to Split Up the Nation – have reached a Verdict: 12 More Leaders must Convene to Talk some More.

The King, Princess Ophelia, and Prime Minister Leterme are expected to Move on the Matter soon, calling together a Coalition of six Flemish and six Walloon Leaders to have Further Dialogue and possibly Draft a Binding Agreement between the Two Factions.

However, analysts point out that some of the more Influential Individuals involved in the Tense Situation are unlikely to be invited to the Table. Political insider and Socialist Walloon Persia Zuur and Flemish Separatist organizer Elton Jansen are likely to be Passed Over by the King in favour of Members of the Political Establishment. Questions will therefore almost certainly Arise about the Legitimacy of an Agreement reached by the Politically Appointed Coalition.

–The Minister of Information.

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Leterme to Cut Funding to Royal House?

Belgian Prime Minister Yves Leterme has indicated that he would like to cut or reform the Public’s Funding of the Belgian Royal Family in order to free up Government Monies and help Unify the Nation.

Belgian Cat and Royal Princess Ophelia, who is a Recipient of such Funding, spoke Cautiously about the Idea today. Though not Opposed to it in Principle, she said, “Het voorstel moet worden uitgevoerd met zorg.”

King Albert II has yet to React to the Idea Publickly; but it should be Noted that he had previously pressed Leterme back into Service after the Prime Minister offered to Resign last Month. The King assembled a Coalition which was given the Task of Uniting the Nation in the Wake of much Squabbling betwixt the Flemish and Walloons – and this Idea (among others) appears to have been Bourne from out of this Coalition.

–The Minister of Information.

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Belgian Wallonia to become Part of France?

A new poll by Ifop / La Voix du Nord suggests that if Recent Murmurings of a possible Break-Up of the Nation of Belgium come to Fruition, the southern Wallonian region could become Incorporated into the Nation of France. Such talk is Pure Speculation at this point, and Belgian Leaders – including King Albert II and his Politically Active daughter Princess Ophelia; Prime Minister Yves Leterme; and Political Insider, Socialist, and Anti-Separatist Walloon Persia Zuur – are working hard to Prevent a Split between Wallonia and Flanders.

–The Minister of Information.

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Belgium Turns 178

Belgian King Albert II and his Family, including Princess Ophelia, celebrated the country’s National Day yesterday with Festivities at the Royal Cathedral and Celebrations across all of Belgium. Princess Ophelia, for her part, hosted a large Fancy Dress Party which included plenty of Music and Dancing and was described by those in Attendance as “Geweldig.”

–The Minister of Information.

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